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THE HEAVIEST ELEMENT Discovered at LIUNA headquarters:
  
   Investigators at a major research institution have recently discovered
   in the Laborers' Unions Internal reform process  the  heaviest element 
   known to science. This startling new discovery has been
  tentatively named Administratium (Ad).
  
   This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic
  number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 14 vice neutrons, 55 regional
  neutrons, and 550 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of  620.
  
   These 620 particles are held together by a force called morons, which
  are  surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called rank and file peons.
  
   Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
  detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
  
   According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes
  one  reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take
  less  than a second.

   Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it
  does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion
  of  the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons
  exchange  places.
  
   In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over
  time,  since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become
  neutrons, forming new isodopes.
  
   This characteristic of moronpromotion leads some scientists to
speculate  that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in  concentration.
  
   This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the ......... "Critical  Morass".

While initially discovered in The Laborers International Union of North America,
evidence abounds that it is also heavily concentrated in the Teamsters, Hotelworkers,
Service Employees, and Government Workers unions and emanates with noisome, odiferous,
carcinogenic properties from a constellation of black holes otherwise known as the AFL-CIO.

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Jim McGough, Director
6304 N Francisco Av.
Chicago, Il 60659
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